Sunday, January 25, 2009
A Selfish 2009
I think 2009 is shaping up to be a pretty selfish year for me. So much of my time is spent thinking about others, what they might want or need, how to make them feel loved or wanted or appreciated. Most of the time it works, leading people to feel special and think I'm a pretty good guy, someone they think highly of and send really nice Christmas cards to.
Unfortunately, in doing so much for others I put my own desires on the back burner. For as far back in my memory the one thing I've always wanted is the one thing I couldn't have, so I think its time I started devoting a bit more time to what I want for a change. This summer I have a month long trip planned, with stops all over the country to meet photographers, models, and other like-minded people which should take my mind off of the useless things its usually occupied by. I also am planning many more short trips before and after that, again in hopes of just finding something new. I seem to crave the new and different right now.
This attitude is counter-intuitive to my very nature however, and I don't know how long I'll be able to keep it up. As I type this I am painting cards and ordering gifts for people they have never wanted or asked for all in the hopes of brightening their day, all with little regard to how much time or money it is taking to procure these things.
Am I just a fool? A sap, a sucker? Am I seeking attention and an appreciative chuck on the shoulder to validate my existence? Am I trying to prove Mick Jagger right, that I can't always get what I want? As usual, I have more questions than answers. Let's see if doing things for myself changes how I feel.
Just felt like posting.