Friday, December 26, 2008

LOVE, Part One: Doubt

Countless blogs will be written here on the topic of Love, so I've decided that I should just number them from the beginning. Here is the first:


I subscribe to the Greek theory on Love and have tried continuously to keep everyone I know as closely contained within the three categories as possible. The three inimitable Greek kinds of love, or at least how I learned them years ago, are as follows: Agape, a general affection or appreciation of, Philios, a much more virtuous love bestowed upon friends and family, and lastly Eros, a sensual, passionate attraction, the kind of love that involves a lot of huffing and puffing after two people are done expressing it.

In the last week, two women who have never met one another have said the same phrase to me, that I should "never doubt" their love for me. One of these women is someone I have tried to excise from my life for over a year now to no avail, and the other is someone I've tried desperately to get more involved with for over a year now, to no final romantic conclusion.

Many people have told me they love me, but only these two people, aside from my parents, have ever used those words, "never doubt", while expressing it. Truly, most of what one grows up experiencing as Eros, or romantic love, involves immeasurable amounts of doubt. From the very beginning of meeting someone there is doubt about whether they feel the same way as you do, how you should divine the answer to that question, what the next step is, etc. Once a relationship is established, invariably one person involved doubts the future of the relationship, the intention of the others' actions, and so much more. Even after a relationship has ended there is some doubt as to whether the split was a right choice or how it could have been handled better. Honestly, doubt is very familiar in what we Westerners see as the average relationship.

In my specific case of these two women there are two complete opposite experiences. I gain nothing but frustration and anger from the immaturity, lack of understanding, and overall creepiness of the first woman's undying love for me. I avoid her altogether. In the other case, the deep, loyal friendship that has been established is one that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world and hope will never end. Thankfully with the latter, the closeness we share lessens any sense of loss that still might linger from time to time.

So, what am I left with? The concept that, if there is a God, he has an amazing sense of humor when it comes to my love life? Do I have a penchant for only being drawn to women I can't have and pushing away those that are too easy to attain? Fortunately, I know the answers and what to do, at least in each of the situations involving these two women. Still, as I have said countless times before to others when giving romantic advice, the right decision may be very simple, but they are never easy. "Easy" and "Simple" get confused far too often. In the end, its simply about doing what's right.

Check out the other pics of Monica in bed.


  1. Mark your penchant for semantics is refreshing.
    With the melting pot of words we use in "America" its often the other countries that seem to have the more useful ones.
    I feel your frustration and send my best thoughts for your romantic future.

  2. Just get out!! Start away from both of them and make a fresh start, trust me on this, I've been there.

  3. No advice here - I've come up with plenty of good rules based on past heartbreak, but find myself promptly ignoring them when another luminous woman drifts into my life for a time.

    The interesting ones got that way by making their own mistakes, and hopefully learning from them, so it's hard to find a line between accepting her as a whole person, and ignoring danger signs.

    One line in the sand that you've probably already had cause to draw is the "self-hostage" scenerio. As an obvious caretaker, you're going to attract the boundary-issues "I'll hurt myself if you don't do what I demand" energy-vampire flavor of genuinely hurting and troubled waif.

    If anyone finds a guilt-free way to pull out of that quicksand I hope they share it. Maybe there's a market niche for Hallmark or FTD... include a gift certificate for six months of psychiatric care with a basket of flowers and chocolate.

    I guess I lied... my advice is to draw that line.

    Anyway, I'm glad you started a blog. I keep an eye on your flickr stream because of the crisply heightened reality that your skill, imagination, and wry humor create with the help of your adorable models, but found myself scrolling immediately down to your comments on each shot for the deeper perspective. You're a talented writer, as well as a brilliant photographer.

  4. Oh trust me....God's played a few pranks on me when it comes to the romance department....I just always keep in mind that everything is for a reason and all I can do is take a lesson away from every circumstance I find myself in be it infidelity, immaturity or plain I've learned alot and I'm sure I have lots more to here I go right with a smile on my face cos nothing can get us down unless we allow it to...

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